“Write the truest sentence you know”
Ernest Hemingway
I have written one other book about writing to release trauma or past experiences, or emotions, it is called Freedom Writing. It was published after one of my previous students ended his life and I felt the urgency of making sure I share the power of writing things down as a way to heal ourselves. Sixteen years ago, I experienced an act of domestic violence from my ex-husband. I had been married to him for ten years and in this time, he was emotionally abusive to me, throwing things, raging, name calling, swearing at me, at times he threw things at my head. This act of violence was a one off and a trigger warning if you have been through domestic violence, he strangled me. When he was doing this and I was screaming out “help”, the world stood still and the universe was never the same for me again. Everything changed and the earth moved on its access. My kids came running from down below on the bottom level of our house. I heard their footsteps running up. My choker from around my neck was on the floor, as his violence had snapped it off. I remember screaming “help” into his face – which was all red. This was the man I had trusted and said I would love forever, and he said he would love and protect me? Hmmm…it was devastating.
He let go of me and I ran to get the keys, he blocked me from getting them and I walked outside and told the kids to follow me. They didn’t as he was holding them back. I walked up to the main street so I could be in public and so he would not be able to touch me again. I felt this strange courage, disdain, anger, shock and adrenalin pulsing through me. He had never laid a hand on me before. He had smashed things before on the wall, which by the way is a very intimidating, traumatic and scary thing to see, especially as a woman, but he had never harmed me. He ran after me on the main street, and called out
“Come back. Your kids need you.”
“I’m not leaving them. I am leaving you. You strangled me,” I said.
“There were reasons for that,” he said, with tears coming down his face, not from being sorry, as he clearly wasn’t.
“If you really think that, I am never coming back to you.” I said and I kept on walking down the main road, crying but determined.
He got the car, put the kids in and followed me. I was hiding in a bush on a random driveway and he told me to get in the car. Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to do this.
“You get out of the car and I will drive me and the kids.” And he did. I didn’t want to get in a car with him, he would be yelling and arguing and justifying his actions. Following this I found out he went down to our Pastor in our local church and told him an incorrect version of what happened. He said he pushed me by my shoulders (later I found out he told my friends this lie as well), but actually he strangled me and broke my choker in the process, I still have this broken choker and I had a red mark on my neck where he strangled me. My daughter Leah saw the choker on the ground as soon as it happened. This could not have happened if he pushed me back by my shoulders. Regardless, he began lying about it to people.
Being a Christian I thought I should show grace and I never pressed charges but part of me thinks I should have. I also was shocked later to find out that my “Christian” husband went around lying to my friends about what happened to make himself look like the victim.
For years I didn’t tell this story publicly, for my kids’ sake, (possibly even my ex-husband) but now I know I need to be honest and authentic. What happened after this traumatic event was very significant and it is why I am writing this second book about writing therapy. Following this event, of course I had PTSD– and I retreated to my parents’ house. In the coming months I went to a support group for people who had been through abuse. In this time, I kept seeing the event over and over every night like a horror film I wanted to turn off. One night I got up and said to myself, I am going to write this down as it happened, and be completely honest. It actually wasn’t something I wanted to do, particularly, but I felt compelled to do it. It must have been Divine intervention. Once I wrote this poem down – writing the events as they happened and how I felt, I was completely released from this memory of my ex-husband’s violence, it completely disappeared and I could not even conjure it up in my mind. Even if I wanted to. It was phenomenal! I couldn’t believe such a simple act could free me from this so completely.
Speaking about it had not freed me, though it made me feel supported and not alone, but writing it down had removed it. In the months that followed I wrote poems every day of the memories or the pain I was going through to heal, and as I did, I felt my inner life becoming freer. I was free from bitterness about the ten years of emotional verbal abuse and the violence at the end. I found a simple tool that could help so many people, I told my counsellor about my experience and she asked me to do a workshop at a retreat she was running for women who had escaped traumatic situations. In preparation for this I decided to do some research and then I found that this had been studied since the 1980s and it was 2007 when I stumbled upon its power. I collated some of the research and found that writing for therapeutic purposes had been found to provide dramatic physical, mental, emotional and psychological benefits as well as for grades of people at university or school. I wrote a workshop to show others this amazing tool, and I have not looked back ever since.
Now it is 2023, and I have done much more research into this, and though when I discovered this, writing for therapeutic purposes was not a widely known thing, it is now spoken about in films, taught in university courses and recommended in counselling and any mental health literature. I am so beyond excited that it has become very mainstream and widely known. My purpose, dear reader for this book is to reveal some amazing techniques that we can all use throughout our lives whether we are stressed with normal things, relationships, trauma, past experiences or anything, we can use these tools to experience relief. It can take a long time to release things but you will experience release as you go.
It took a few years, but I healed from my past marriage, and the abuse he inflicted on me and I have forgiven him which is a big part of being free yourself. I know God saved me from that marriage and He also helped me to heal and this was achieved through counselling and writing everything down. So, I am writing this so I can help others to experience the freedom I found first-hand.
So, welcome to this humble guide, it is not exhaustive, but it is just to give you some pointers on how to get started. There are many books out there you can read that will provide you with other methods as well. 😊 Thanks for reading my first chapter.
This book will be published at some point but this is just my first chapter. Thanks again. 🙂
Suzanne Strong 
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